I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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