Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What a fucking waste of an outfit
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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