need another drink. this is the easiest way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
