i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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