sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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