i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
