I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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