my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
smell my finger.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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