two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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