You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His nipple licking is glorious
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