absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
