I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
