i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
