people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
