i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
