I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
