You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
