how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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