Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
