The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
