I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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