Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
