Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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