Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
