Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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