I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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