ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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