Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
