I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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