stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
