Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
