Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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