You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
