If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
