You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
