Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
