Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
