Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex on a dog bed..
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