Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize