somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
