You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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