the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
