he shaved USA in his pubs
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
