Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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