farters have to be the big spoon...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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