Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Say something about gay babies.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
