if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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