he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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