dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
