I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
