I love black thongs
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
