so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
