You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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