they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
