So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
