Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
