Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
