guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
