Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
