he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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