i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
