I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
