So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
