I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
