Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
