she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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