u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
