why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
