My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
