I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
