his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
