Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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