at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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