You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And then my night got REAL pukey
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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