u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
