I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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