how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
